Every Sunday morning a familiar scene unfolds in our house: my husband and I pass the baby back and forth across the dining table while we take turns racing through our breakfast and finalizing our fantasy football lineups. Our boys empty the contents of their toy box onto the carpet, their eyes both lock on [Read more…]
15 Reasons Why In My Next Life I’ll Have Cats Instead
The Crazy Cat Lady is a comical figure we’ve all encountered, with her wild hair, threadbare clothes, and faint odor of cat urine. You might have passed her in the grocery store with a cart full of liver snaps and Whiskas, or moved in next door to her and received a juicy, headless welcome gift [Read more…]
Why You Shouldn’t Be Ashamed of Bathing With Your Kids
Recently, social media icon Perez Hilton was called everything from a bad father to a child abuser after posting a photo of himself and his son bathing together. The photo appeared on Instagram and showed Hilton from the waist up and his son’s head poking over his shoulder. The boy was completely covered below the neck. The negative backlash spurred debates about whether it’s [Read more…]
How Yoga Can Cure Sinus Pain
Recently I suffered from a sinus and double ear infection that left me shattered and huddled in a dark room reminiscing about how pleasant natural childbirth had been. I tried Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Sudafed, and ritualistic sacrifices, but nothing eased my suffering. I made the rather inconvenient journey to the convenient care center on a Sunday, [Read more…]
The Measure of a Mom
In the last 5 years, my body has grown, housed, and evicted three beautiful children. I’ve nourished them with my breasts, held them in my arms, and smothered them with my kisses. Yet there are still moments when I can’t believe that this is my life. When did I become somebody’s mom? It seems like [Read more…]
Christmas With Little Kids: Is It Really Worth It?
Have you ever noticed that Christmas Day with little kids is a bit like a death metal concert? They both involve copious amounts of controlled substances (in this case, sugar) music of questionable quality, bright lights, screaming, body slamming, mess making, and the occasional dirty protest. As the proprietor and organizer of said death metal [Read more…]
To Hell In A Handbag: Why Moms Can’t Have Nice Things
“It’s designer.” My husband beamed at me with such pride you would have thought he’d tanned the leather of the handbag himself with his own blood, sweat, and tears. I turned the large grey bag over in my hands, admiring the luscious purple lining and shiny metal buckle. The chrome reminded me of the hood [Read more…]
What do you do when your child rejects you?
I think everyone remembers the sting of their first unrequited love: the heartache, the confusion over what you did wrong or why you’re not good enough, and the deep longing to be with them any way you can. Sure, it’s all part of growing, not to mention a plot device in almost every teen romantic [Read more…]
My Uterus Brainwashed Me: The Real Reason I Decided To Have More Kids
In the last five years I’ve given birth to three beautiful children, and every time as I walked into the delivery room I was absolutely certain that they would be my last. What happened? Somewhere between “holy crap, I’ll never do this again” and “wouldn’t it be fun to have one more” I lost [Read more…]
How My Children Restored My Faith in Humanity
Growing up I was extremely sheltered. My world was homogenous. The rural town I lived in was approximately 99% white, anglo-saxon, protestant. Apart from their red necks, of course. I had no idea how wide the world truly was. When I was 18 my world changed. My parents divorced, which was uncommon enough in my small [Read more…]
Embracing the Imperfection
This is a post I wrote almost a year ago* in the throws of anxiety about whether or not to seek professional advice for my socially delayed three-year-old. I know this is a decision that a lot of parents out there struggle with so I just wanted to share my experience and let them [Read more…]
Not Sharing Makes Me a Better Mom and Other Lies I Tell Myself
Today’s guest post comes from the hilarious Stacey Gustafson from Are You Kidding Me? She is a humorist and author of the new book Are You Kidding Me? My Life With An Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, which is based on the ups, downs, and in-betweens of the everyday suburban family. You won’t want to [Read more…]
Eight Reasons Why It’s Better To Have All Boys
Do you guys know today’s guest poster Tracey Schaefer? If not, you should. She’s a self-proclaimed mommy Jekyll and Hyde, taking care of her two boys by day and bitching about it at night! I’m guessing most of us can relate to that feeling, especially those of us surrounded by hoards of boys. She is hilarious and [Read more…]
Wipe Your Boogers On Me
It’s back to school season, folks, and you know what that means: cold season is right around the corner! If you don’t want to lose your wardrobe to drippy noses and snotty faces, then you might need to stock up on the tissues…or better yet Boogie Wipes (check out the end of the post for info on a [Read more…]
Accidentally Dirty Things Your Kids Say Every Day
Have you ever had to bite your tongue to keep from laughing when your kid says something accidentally dirty? Do you go ahead and make the “that’s what she said” joke only to be met with confused looks and impatient toddler toe-tapping. They must get their sense of humor from their father. If so, I’m [Read more…]