Like everyone, toddlers are searching the world for their ideal partners: their play date soul mates. Unfortunately, young children are confined to the play dates their parents arrange for them and often end up thrust into awkward social situations with playmates who wouldn’t know a My Little Pony from a Hungry Hungry Hippo. It would [Read more…]
Christmas With Little Kids: Is It Really Worth It?
Have you ever noticed that Christmas Day with little kids is a bit like a death metal concert? They both involve copious amounts of controlled substances (in this case, sugar) music of questionable quality, bright lights, screaming, body slamming, mess making, and the occasional dirty protest. As the proprietor and organizer of said death metal [Read more…]
How Talking To Your Kids About Paris Can Help Stop Future Violence
On the evening of November 13, 2015 a series of shootings, explosions, and hostage situations brought the city of Paris, France to its knees. The city of love was being held prisoner by hate and violence. I, on the other hand, was getting my three small children ready for bed: pulling jammies over freshly washed [Read more…]
STAND: A Magazine for Men Who Give A Damn About Making A Difference
*DON’T FORGET TO ENTER THE DRAWING FOR A FREE ISSUE OF STAND MAGAZINE AT THE END OF THIS POST* When I first received an email from the Managing Editor of the STAND magazine I was surprised. I wasn’t sure a female-run humor site dedicated to the fits and follies of raising a family of [Read more…]
11 Reasons Why November is My Toddler’s Favorite Month
When asked about their favorite time of year, most people get misty-eyed remembering summer BBQs, warm evening concerts in the park, sunbathing, and staying up late. Sounds idyllic, right? Unless you’re a toddler. Young children are physically incapable of sitting on a picnic blanket and enjoying a movie in the park without an obscene amount [Read more…]
Ode To My Milk Boobs
When I was young, I used to wish for big boobs—terrific, tantalizing ta-tas like all the girls in movies seemed to have. I often asked myself: Wouldn’t I be the most popular girl at my middle school prom if I had giant melons instead of these prepubescent raisins? Sadly, I wouldn’t realize until many years [Read more…]
The Science of Bad Play Dates
Please welcome Norine of Science of Parenthood as she gives us the hilarious story behind one of the cartoons in her new book: Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations. I know all about bad playdates, but Norine takes it to a whole other level. In fact you might say she has play date incompatibility [Read more…]
Review of Spending The Holidays With People I Want to Punch In The Throat
Spending The Holidays With People I Want To Punch In The Throat is the second collection of hilarious essays from author Jen Mann. In her first book, People I Want To Punch In The Throat, she laid waste to suburban scourges and Stepford wives. This time she’s taking on the pumpkin-spice latte-drinking, Black Friday [Read more…]
Why I Hate The Term ‘Broken Home’
I hate the term “broken home,” meaning a family where the parents are divorced. I grew up in the generation of divorce. I can remember children from school who were one day exactly like me, carefree and fair game for teasing and name-calling, and the next they were just another casualty of the growing divorce [Read more…]
How I Finally Learned To Cover My Boobs While Breastfeeding
Every day I am bombarded on social media by stories of women being shamed, berated, chastised, and even exiled because they have the nerve to expose the top half of their breast while nourishing their children in the natural, instinctual way females of the species have done for hundreds of thousands of years. I have [Read more…]
They Grow Up So Fast
When my oldest son was two he stopped sleeping through the night. He had been sleeping reliably since he was six months old and even when we transitioned him from his crib to a bed his nightly routine remained unaffected. I thought I had all the answers, until one night when I was about six [Read more…]
This Is Parenting
She cries out in the night, the long mournful wail of the weary. Her tears stain my pajamas as I comfort her in the rocker with an urgency not usually associated with lounge furniture. My tired eyes prick with non-existent tears, and I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a drink of water. [Read more…]
The New Cleavage
It’s everywhere, bursting forth from clothes made to fit my toddler, ambling nonchalantly through the supermarket (watch out for the freezer aisle!), tempting an entire generation of sex-obsessed teenage boys, and making me wonder how I missed this disturbing shift in fashion trends: Under-butt has become the new cleavage. As recently initiated member of the [Read more…]
Nobody Better Vomit on My Parade
As a mother of three children under five years old, there are many times when I feel like a superhero just for surviving a typical day. Like the time I schlepped all three of my children, like a deranged mother possum, through the Target parking lot in the rain because apparently my four-year-old would melt [Read more…]
To Hell In A Handbag: Why Moms Can’t Have Nice Things
“It’s designer.” My husband beamed at me with such pride you would have thought he’d tanned the leather of the handbag himself with his own blood, sweat, and tears. I turned the large grey bag over in my hands, admiring the luscious purple lining and shiny metal buckle. The chrome reminded me of the hood [Read more…]