Have you ever had to bite your tongue to keep from laughing when your kid says something accidentally dirty? Do you go ahead and make the “that’s what she said” joke only to be met with confused looks and impatient toddler toe-tapping. They must get their sense of humor from their father.
If so, I’m pretty sure you’re not alone. My boys stumble into hilarious idiomatic and linguistic mistakes and poor word choices all the time. The fact that they have no idea what they’re saying makes it even more entertaining. Kids are inadvertently filthy, and what’s the point of being a parent if we can’t laugh at them behind their back…just a little.
I’m sharing with you the dirtiest faux pas my children have made recently and their intended translations.
I can’t get it up. (translation: I can’t seem to lift this ball onto the chair.)
I want to shoot it on your back. (translation: I’m playing doctor and I’d like to give you an injection in your spine.)
It’s ok, I sucked it off . (translation: No need for a moist towelette, mother, I’ve cleaned my hand with my tongue like a cat.)
I want to play with myself. (translation: I would prefer to continue with this activity alone.)
Mommy, you’re my best lover. (translation: Mom, you give the best hugs.)
My beaver is all wet! (translation: I’ve thrown my stuffed animal into the bathtub again.)
But, Mom, it’s soooo hard. (translation: This task is too difficult to continue.)
Arg! I can’t enter. (translation: The enter key on the laptop appears to be stuck.)
Look, Mom, I have a moon in my pants. (translation: I have stuffed a plastic moon model in my underwer.)
Wow, that is a HUGE sausage! (translation: I’m impressed with the size of that log of cured meat.)
Ok, so that last one still sounds dirty no matter how I translate it.
There are only a few good years left when you children will blindly and innocently stumble into hilarious fodder for dirty jokes and sarcastic remarks. Enjoy it while you can, and every once in a while, go ahead and make a “that’s what she said” joke. Even if they don’t get it, you’ll feel better.
What’s the filthiest thing your kids have ever accidentally said?
Enjoy this article? Why not subscribe to receive email notifications every time Outmanned posts something new? Just enter your email address in the box below and hit the SUBSCRIBE button. Thanks!