I’ve decided you can tell how many kids a woman already has by how she announces her latest pregnancy.
Is there anything more exciting, terrifying, life altering, or mind blowing than announcing your first pregnancy?
I remember I was so eager to share the news that I could hardly wait for the pee to dry on the pregnancy test before I was texting pictures of it to my friends and family.
Never mind the fact that you can see my underwear around my ankles in the background and there are pee stains on the viewing window, I’m having a baby!
I’ve never really been one for dramatics or artful presentations: you can tell by looking at my hair and clothes most days. There are some people out there who take their pregnancy announcements to the level of performance art. I once knew a couple who announced the presence of their first “bun in the oven” by putting an actual bun in an actual oven and telling their parents to check on dinner.
I’ve heard of couples that revealed their news to their families during a rousing game of charades, over the radio through a song dedication, through cryptic puzzles and spelled out in icing on a cake. The sky is the limit on creative ways to share your most joyful news with the ones you love: the sky, your free time, amount of energy, and budget, that is.
My anxious, urine soaked photo paled in comparison to the dramatic geniuses getting pregnant out there every day.
And that was my first pregnancy.
The one thing all the couples above have in common is that the pregnancies they were announcing were their first. By the time the second, third, fourth, or (God help me!) later pregnancy comes around there simply isn’t time to plan an intricate reveal. There are other things that take immediate precedence, like sleep, diaper changes, more sleep, nipple cream, butt paste, sleep again, and Game of Thrones.
When I found out I was pregnant with my second son, I quietly told my very close friends and family, then waited a few weeks before sending individual messages to the rest of my friends who had probably figured it out by then, but were too polite to ask why I was fat and green all the time. Bless them.
There were no theatrics, no fireworks, no deceptions, and no formal announcement gatherings. I had a two year old and a migraine instead.
With my third pregnancy, I hid in the bathroom upstairs, alone, peeing on the familiar stick to confirm my secret suspicions. Once verified, I casually dropped the news into conversation with my husband first and then my mom later that day:
Husband: So, what would you like to do today?
Me: I don’t know, but I’ll tell you what I already did: got knocked up!
Mom: I’ve been on a diet for a couple weeks now. Do I look thinner to you?
Me: Yeah, a little. Do I look fatter?
Mom: Why?
Me: Because I’m pregnant.
That was about as creative as it was going to get.
While my second pregnancy announcement was simple, quiet, and personal, my third was quick and dirty. Kind of like the conception.
In my slightly terrified, sleep deprived, hormonal frenzy I decided to announce my accidental third pregnancy to the world via the internet. Surprise friends, family, and a bunch of strangers I’ve never met!
It was a one shot, all in, game changing announcement that required minimal effort on my part. Exactly like the conception.
Hey, once you’ve gained 50 pounds twice, had your vagina sewn back together twice, had milk leak from your boob in public more times than I want to count, and somehow agreed to do it all over again, nothing is sacred. Which brings me back to my original thought: you can tell how many children a woman already has by how she announces her pregnancy.
First pregnancy announcements are creative and full of excitement.
Second pregnancy announcements are quiet and full of joy.
Third pregnancy announcements are loud and full of embarrassing and revealing information.
I’m not sure what happens if you have a fourth pregnancy; maybe this is the point when you stop announcing them and simply show up to the next family reunion with an extra kid. Would anyone really notice at that point anyway? I’ll let you know if I ever find out.
Maybe.
If I’m not too tired.
You are completely right about the fourth. My wife and I followed your timeline pretty closely for the first three, though honestly I don’t remember how we did #3. This one we told family and a few friends, but actually have kept it hidden from all Facebook posts, mainly because this one is a pretty clear “oops child” while we were trying decide if we were finished and I would get snipped. I think that makes announcing it a little odd.
I always wish k had done some outrageously creative announcements for my kiddos but it wasn’t as popualr (or I didn’t know about ig anyway) 9 years ago. I feel like that would have been super fun.
LOVED this post. Your “pregnancy bombs” were great. I also laughed at this:
“There are other things that take immediate precedence, like sleep, diaper changes, more sleep, nipple cream, butt paste, sleep again, and Game of Thrones.”
Because DUH!
You kill me, lady! I loved this post so much. My favorite part had to be: “…my third was quick and dirty. Kind of like the conception.”
Although I’m now looking forward to the blog post where you show up to a family reunion with a 4th baby in tow.
I am perfectly happy to never know how I would announce a third pregnancy.
That being said, I am more than happy to experience the joy vicariously through you. I might even have to come visit you and babysit so that you can sleep for a day, and I can be reminded why two is quite enough for me.
=)
Totally didn’t announce number 4. In fact, 2 years later we actually DID show up at a family reunion and people were like “You had another one?” Yup. Sure did. Heeeeeere’s your sign….
I only had three pregnancies (even though I have four kids–two for one special on #2), and I don’t even remember announcing the third pregnancy. I think I just refused alcohol at some family event, and they all went, “She turned down booze? PREGNANT.”
I think there could be a sister post to this one with family and friends reactions.
#1 Lots of excited hugs million questions huge congratulations
#2 the -we were wondering, – it was about time comments -with a few hugs thrown in
#3 laughter
Hah, yep. My sister announced their fourth to the whole world at the same time, via their family blog. I commented my congratulations on the blog and considered that an appropriate response to the ‘big reveal’, but apparently I was supposed to CALL her and shriek about it. Whoops. I should definitely have been more excited than she was. 😉
my fourth just turned one. the pregnancy went unannounced. now, everywhere i go, it’s “i didn’t know you had ANOTHER one?!” or “is this one yours?!”
A friend who has 4 kids used to say that for the first kid they would vacuum the house, remove the dog hair, keep child and dog separate, you know – the works. By the second kid they didn’t vacuum as much. The third kid was no vacuum, dog, dog hair, kid all played together. They believe the fourth kid is probably being looked after by the dog!
I found out that my brothers wife was pregnant for the forth time because he didn’t want another one so told everyone after she said its hard having three kids.
My third was my husbands first…so we went through all the fun announcement stuff…again.