Outmanned

A collection of essays from Mary Widdicks: writer, humorist, novelist, and former psychologist who can't remember if she fed all her kids this morning.

The Simple Pleasures

by 119 Comments

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When do we stop being able to appreciate the simple pleasures in life? Is it when we go to school? Puberty? When get our first job? When we turn 18? I can’t remember when it happened to me, but somewhere along the twisted line that is my life, I lost the ability to find enjoyment in the things I see everyday. I forgot how to see beauty in the plainer things and excitement in the mundane. I am truly a child of my generation: I need to be entertained.

My son, on the other hand, has not reached the point in his life when his expectations and preconceptions have stifled his creativity. He still finds rocks and pocket lint as valuable as money or jewels, trees and clouds as beautiful as any art piece, and nothing is more interesting than his own private parts. These truly are the wonder years.

Sometimes I have to remind myself not to steer him away from this fleeting innocence.

My son had been begging, for us to take him to the swings in the park for days. It was October and the weather had been preventing us from leaving the house. So when we finally had a break in the rain, we took a family trip to the park so he could play. We slowly meandered down the path toward the playground, because despite the fact that toddlers seem to be running all the time, they never get anywhere very fast.

About halfway to the playground we passed a large gravel pit next to a baseball diamond. We must have walked past the pit a hundred times on previous walks and my son had never given it a second look. The only reason I remembered it was because the little stones were always getting stuck in my shoes. It was cold, grey, and uninviting. Or so I thought.

For whatever reason that day, my son decided that gravel pit was Disneyland.

He plopped down on his little diapered bottom and started digging in the rocks. Next he lay down on his back and, I’m not making this up, started doing little gravel angels. He didn’t even seem to mind the piles of rocks going down the back of his pants. His next diaper change was going to be pretty exciting.

I kept urging him to move on: explaining that we weren’t really out to play in the gravel. Didn’t he want to go to the playground? He just looked at me like I was a crazy person. And leave all this?

So we stayed. He played in that pile of dirty gravel, filled with cigarette butts, food wrappers, dirt and probably more dog pee than I wanted to think about, for over an hour.  I realized that Disneyland coudn’t have been any more exciting to him in that moment than that pile of stones.

The look of sheer joy on his face was one of those rare and beautiful natural phenomena, like the Northern Lights, that no matter how much you plan you can never truly predict. It comes and goes of it’s own free will. You just have to be lucky enough to see it and smart enough to notice.

I’d been so focused on the fact that we never made it to the playground that I almost missed the fact that he was having the time of his life.  After all, wasn’t that the point?

From that day on I saw that gravel pit with new eyes. It wasn’t just a filthy pile of rocks. Yes, it most definitely was filthy, but it was also the surface of a strange planet, a rocky quarry for cars, and a blanket of fluffy white snow, depending on who was looking at it.

Of course after an hour or so, my son started eating the rocks because, well, that’s what two-year-olds do.  Capriciousness is another delightful virtue possessed by most toddlers. But something about the fleeting appeal of the gravel made that day even more special.

Comments

  1. I love this post Mary! I think that’s the beauty of raising kids. We get to experience childhood all over through them. But, only if we have our eyes open and we are looking. Good for you for seeing it that day, and writing about it. Because he won’t remember it when he is 20 years old, but you have saved that moment of his childhood forever now, and that is a beautiful thing!

    Reply

  2. Beautiful. I have a 19 month old who is exploring his world more and more everyday and this is just like him. 🙂

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  3. How sweet 🙂 My son is spoilt – thank you grandparents *urgh* but I must admit i’m at fault too. When he was younger I used to cringe and try and put him off messy play thanks to the fear of ruining the carpets (oh if only I knew lol) but now that we have wipe clean floor and he has free range to his very own paint cupboard… he’s not interested :/ I feel like I have broken him. This post has hit home (again) that we really do need to let them explore when the mood strikes and that I especially need to loosen up and appreciate the simple pleasures

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  5. I’m really gobsmacked. Your brain works for thinking, for reflecting, for summing up and for reporting.
    I hope – I mean REALLY hope! – that you intend to do something with all these, one day …

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    • I really do! I want to write novels some day, but I’ve found that with two little kids at home all day I haven’t had the time to put into something of that length. I’m trying to build enough of a writing background and portfolio through my blogging to help me someday when I look for literary agents 🙂 I know I’ve said this before, but I’m so flattered that you like my writing.

      Reply

      • Don’t be. I’m no-one to be flattered by.
        And yes, DO get yourself an agent when you’re ready – or even before, if s/he’s a decent person. I didn’t: I just went to a publisher, and have suffered because of it. If I ever get to put together my essays (they’re not online), the first thing I look for is a goddam AGENT!

        Reply

          • Tell me about it. But at least you’re not in Oz, and thus not restricted to roughly half a dozen worth a pinch of shit. Excuse me. My language is actually much worse than that. [grin]

          • I don’t know much about Aussie literary agents. I would imagine that you could submit to ones outside the country though. The internet is pretty helpful that way 🙂

          • You could. But unless you have a runaway best seller, you don’t bother. You hope to get a local agent who has US contacts and will use ’em, in the long run.
            Just keep on writing your blog and you will be honing your skills – which are legion. Respect!

  10. I remember when the greatest gift my dad gave me was an empty cardboard box. I made a fort out of it. Drew pictures of cowboys and Indians and placed them around. My imagination was worth a lot in those days. Simple and pleasurable.

    Reply

  11. I remember when the greatest gift my dad gave me was an empty cardboard box. I made a fort out of it. Drew pictures of cowboys and Indians and placed them around. My imagination was worth a lot in those days. Simple and pleasurable.

    Reply

  12. Love, love, LOVED this!! I’ve often wondered–when do we stop running? When we’re kids we run everywhere. We can’t wait to get to whatever fun and excitement are ahead of us. But at some point, we stop. We shuffle through rather than charge forward.

    Every once in a while I get a good reminder to slow it down and take it all in. Your post did that for me today. Thank you <3

    Reply

    • We just took our three year old to the planetarium and hearing the awe in his voice as we flew through space and landed on Venus brought tears to my eyes. It was beautiful.

      Reply

    • We just took our three year old to the planetarium and hearing the awe in his voice as we flew through space and landed on Venus brought tears to my eyes. It was beautiful.

      Reply

  26. My daughter is two as well and it’s nice that she also loves the simple things in life. I want to keep her away from electronics as long as possible because when I see my 17 year old stepson who is completely bored out of his skull when he can’t be on the computer, I don’t want her to end up that way. I want her to love to read, write, enjoy the outdoors, have real conversations with her friends and not be FB chatting.

    Reply

    • I know how you feel. It’s hard these days with the abundance of technology everywhere to take time to enjoy the simpler things. On the other hand, my son loves the iPad, plays games on it all the time, but he still loves to play outside and use his imagination. It’s all a delicate balancing act. Thanks for reading 🙂

      Reply

  27. My daughter is two as well and it’s nice that she also loves the simple things in life. I want to keep her away from electronics as long as possible because when I see my 17 year old stepson who is completely bored out of his skull when he can’t be on the computer, I don’t want her to end up that way. I want her to love to read, write, enjoy the outdoors, have real conversations with her friends and not be FB chatting.

    Reply

    • I know how you feel. It’s hard these days with the abundance of technology everywhere to take time to enjoy the simpler things. On the other hand, my son loves the iPad, plays games on it all the time, but he still loves to play outside and use his imagination. It’s all a delicate balancing act. Thanks for reading 🙂

      Reply

  30. Great story. I have a 20 month old who is the big star on my blog and helps me to continue writing. Everyday in his presence truly is a joy as no doubt it is for you. Thank you.

    Reply

  31. Great story. I have a 20 month old who is the big star on my blog and helps me to continue writing. Everyday in his presence truly is a joy as no doubt it is for you. Thank you.

    Reply

  32. I love this story…and the pictures that go with it. My son is also two and we also have an eight-year-old.

    My husband, in a wise move, took all games off the iPad so the kids would have less interest in it and be more active. My little one LOVES playing in the dirt with toy cars. The older one is currently playing with a soccer ball in the house (I know other mothers might be cringing at this, but we don’t have much he could break with it that isn’t already broken). At our old house, we had a big gravel pit, left over from a building project, and the kids were always playing in it (which freaked me out, as it was also the cat’s litter box).

    Your son is adorable…and very wise. Playing on a swing is far too limited. You just go back and forth. A gravel pit leaves a lot more to the imagination and he may just be a future engineer, designing the next highway system for his little cars.

    Reply

    • I know what you mean! My son really loves the iPad, but so far he still finds the time use be creative and use his imagination. I hope he doesn’t lose that. Thanks for reading!

      Reply

  33. I love this story…and the pictures that go with it. My son is also two and we also have an eight-year-old.

    My husband, in a wise move, took all games off the iPad so the kids would have less interest in it and be more active. My little one LOVES playing in the dirt with toy cars. The older one is currently playing with a soccer ball in the house (I know other mothers might be cringing at this, but we don’t have much he could break with it that isn’t already broken). At our old house, we had a big gravel pit, left over from a building project, and the kids were always playing in it (which freaked me out, as it was also the cat’s litter box).

    Your son is adorable…and very wise. Playing on a swing is far too limited. You just go back and forth. A gravel pit leaves a lot more to the imagination and he may just be a future engineer, designing the next highway system for his little cars.

    Reply

    • I know what you mean! My son really loves the iPad, but so far he still finds the time use be creative and use his imagination. I hope he doesn’t lose that. Thanks for reading!

      Reply

  36. Engrossing post, your son’s pictures definitely affirm what you’re writing! I love how you describe childhood wonder — as a teenager, it really puts my life into perspective since it’s such an awkward time between child and adulthood. Thank you for sharing this lovely story! Best of luck to you!

    Reply

  37. Engrossing post, your son’s pictures definitely affirm what you’re writing! I love how you describe childhood wonder — as a teenager, it really puts my life into perspective since it’s such an awkward time between child and adulthood. Thank you for sharing this lovely story! Best of luck to you!

    Reply

  45. Beautifully said. I have twin nine year old daughters, and another eight year old daughter. I was thrilled when we moved that they requested some of the boxes so they could make airplanes and such. After living in a cramped hotel for three weeks, they were pretty wired into the electronics, so I’m thankful they still have their imagination. I think it’s important for kids to see us doing things outside of using our laptop as well. Although I don’t enjoy it, we plant tomatos and herbs each year, and do a lot of things outside, just to get our of what I call the “Wired Zone”.

    Reply

    • I completely agree. Although I think there is a time and place for kids to use electronics (when I need to use the bathroom or cook dinner for example!), it’s also important to spend time creating their own games. As with most things, there is a happy medium which is probably different for every family and every child. I’m glad my son still enjoys the simple things as much as the iPad.

      Reply

  46. I completely agree. Although I think there is a time and place for kids to use electronics (when I need to use the bathroom or cook dinner for example!), it’s also important to spend time creating their own games. As with most things, there is a happy medium which is probably different for every family and every child. I’m glad my son still enjoys the simple things as much as the iPad.

    Reply

  49. I can relate to your post, I have kids too. I love them dearly; so much so, that I take them everywhere I go…unfortunately they seem to always find their way back home…lol.

    Reply

  50. I can relate to your post, I have kids too. I love them dearly; so much so, that I take them everywhere I go…unfortunately they seem to always find their way back home…lol.

    Reply

  51. You haven’t lost the ability to recognize the simple pleasures.. Your entire blog was about the pleasure and delight you find in your son… And rightly you should…What a cutie.

    Reply

  52. You haven’t lost the ability to recognize the simple pleasures.. Your entire blog was about the pleasure and delight you find in your son… And rightly you should…What a cutie.

    Reply

  57. Don’t lose it. Im still excited to put my feet in sand, run out in pouring warm rain, and lay in grass. The simple things are remembered not because the details are not elaborate but because the moments were cherished the most. Don’t lose it!

    Reply

  58. Don’t lose it. Im still excited to put my feet in sand, run out in pouring warm rain, and lay in grass. The simple things are remembered not because the details are not elaborate but because the moments were cherished the most. Don’t lose it!

    Reply

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