Because sometimes a girl needs more than fart jokes and belching contests
One of the most frustrating aspects of pregnancy for married couples is the rapid cooling of their previously red-hot sex life. What was once an exciting and alluring encounter to be experienced upon on any surface with a semblance of privacy has now become an act of obligation, pity, or at best, a desperate attempt [Read more…]
I’m just going to come right out and say it: I indulge in the occasional fantasy about men other than my husband. I’ll wait while you digest that Earth-shattering bombshell. Of course, my fantasies are not always hot, steamy, nights of passion and athletic sexual prowess either. Sometimes I fantasize about Adam Levine vacuuming my [Read more…]
This is a post I wrote almost a year ago* in the throws of anxiety about whether or not to seek professional advice for my socially delayed three-year-old. I know this is a decision that a lot of parents out there struggle with so I just wanted to share my experience and let them [Read more…]
The other day my four-year-old farted on me as a defense mechanism while I was tickling him, like a squid inking a predator or a skunk dropping a stink bomb when he’s afraid. He thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever done and then decided to repeat the hilarity until his eyes watered [Read more…]
I’ve always been the kind of person who needs her space. I’ve never lived with anyone outside my family for more than a year because I inevitably drove away every roommate I ever had. I’m not proud of it, but it’s part of my personality, and I’ve learned to accept it. Let’s face it: I [Read more…]
Since I am on the precipice of another year of on-demand breast feeding, I’ve decided to use my inevitable public displays of nudity to my advantage and start The Great Boobs Out Challenge of 2015. For anyone who has been reading Outmanned since the beginning (all seven of you!), you might remember my New Year’s [Read more…]
For anyone who has followed my writing over the past year, you are (perhaps painfully?) aware that I am not shy about sharing some of my most embarrassing details from some of my most intimate places (In case you missed: I Have Balls of Steel or My Boobs Are Full of Surpises). However, even I [Read more…]
It’s official: I’m old I’m not the type of woman who usually fixates on her increasing age. In fact, in some dark recess of my brain I still believe that I am fresh-faced and twenty-two: slim, athletic, and considered reasonably attractive by members of the opposite sex. It’s a very deep, dark recess. Before [Read more…]
I’ve officially reached the first nesting phase of my pregnancy. I’m no longer so nauseous and tired that I’m satisfied lying prostrate on the sofa while my house falls apart around me. Now I feel the need to prop up my once organized house with my exhausted, ever-expanding body. Honestly, I’ve been waiting for this [Read more…]
Today’s guest post comes from the hilarious Stacey Gustafson from Are You Kidding Me? She is a humorist and author of the new book Are You Kidding Me? My Life With An Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, which is based on the ups, downs, and in-betweens of the everyday suburban family. You won’t want to [Read more…]
Today I have a hilarious guest post from the the fabulous Liz from A Mothership Down. If you thought a subject like infant safety training couldn’t be funny, prepare to be pleasantly surprised…and maybe a little disturbed Don’t forget to head over and check out her blog after finishing this post! My husband Brian and [Read more…]
I hate being pregnant. It’s true, and I’m not shy about shouting it from every proverbial rooftop I can reach. I am almost half way through my third pregnancy, so I feel completely confident in saying that I’m never going to be one of those women who revels in the miracle of pregnancy. I wish [Read more…]
Have you ever heard the phrase “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”? In my experience, raising children is the ultimate “fool me twice,” except it’s more like “fool me four thousand six hundred and twenty nine times.” Just when I think my kids have passed through the darkness and [Read more…]
I had a plan for how this day was going to unfold: the ultrasound technicians were going to ask whether I was hoping for a boy or a girl, I was going to give them my best poker face and say “as long as it’s healthy”, but would cry graceful and not at all splotchy [Read more…]
I was that kid with hair so long I’d have to brush it to the side before sitting down lest I strain my neck when the weight of my body yanked my head back. It used to take me half an hour to dry my hair, only to pull it back in a ponytail because [Read more…]